Today I want to talk to you about how during big life changes it’s easy for you to “loose” parts of yourself,
and by that, I mean that you can “loose” part of your identity or you can become disconnected from yourself.
I know for myself and for many of the women I work with often when life throws us a big life event eg: becoming a Mum, moving to another country, changing careers, getting divorced, we can become so focused on navigating the change that we forget about all the little intricacies that are us.
Now, this may initially sound a little random but I am going to try and explain myself a little more.
When I became a Mum I was absolutely overjoyed and obsessed with my gorgeous son, and with being the best Mum that I could possibly be.
So all my time and attention was focused on him, and how we were functioning as a family. On top of this, I was trying to maintain a relationship with my amazing husband. This led me to become a bit disconnected from myself. I kind of lost sight of who I was and what made me happy. Having an extra person to consider often left me with little or no time for myself.
Consequently, I became a bit fed up.
At times I started to feel a little resentful and what I can best describe as lost. I remember thinking “what happened to me?” “I have become all consumed by this little person and my roles and responsibilities as a Mum”. “WOW! where did I go?”. Now it’s important to say to say here that ~I wasn’t depressed or unhappy in being a Mum, it was just a huge shock to my system. It took me a while to work out how I fitted back into the equation.
How was I ever going to create any time for me?, allowing me to do those things that I dearly enjoyed?
On some levels, I guess maybe I struggled with this more as I didn’t have my family close by for help and support. So once I realised that parts of me were “missing” I set about trying to find them again. It was a learning journey. This meant I had to accept that if I didn’t have any “me” time that I wasn’t that much fun to be around. It meant me learning to communicate with my partner about my needs and compromising on how both our needs could be met.It was about me learning that I could do all of these things and my beautiful son would be OK. He wouldn’t become distressed without me, and that we could still enjoy lots of fun together during the times we were together.
Some of these lessons were hard to learn and they took a while for me to grasp, so my reason for sharing this today is for me to offer some help or support to others who may be feeling the same way. These things are often not talked about in baby magazines and on-line forums so this is my way of sharing my experiences.
As I have progressed through life I have seen similar experiences occur when we moved to another country to live and when I changed my career, the pattern is similar. You become so focused on the actual life events that you forget about you and spending time doing those things that make you feel happy.
So if your journey is motherhood or if it is a big life change the lessons are still the same.
In order to remain happy & fulfilled you need to continue connecting in with yourself. Doing those things that make you happy. In times of stress or pressure, these are often the first things to go. It feels selfish to spend time on ourselves when we have other pressing problems. But the truth is disconnecting from yourself and what you enjoy will just create greater feelings of unrest and uncertainty. In times of change, the best thing we can do is to keep connected.
Keep doing those things you enjoy and keep making time for yourself, however, complex the challenges.
That’s all for today, thank you for taking the time to read and connect with me,
Much love & spirit sparkle,
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